Unremembered Monday: Lish McBride

Welcome back for the next installment of UNREMEMBERED MONDAY!

Our featured guest author post this week comes from the fabulous fun and quirky Lish McBride! Lish is the author of HOLD ME CLOSER, NECROMANCER and its sequel NECROMANCING THE STONE. And in honor of her hilarious guest post, I’m giving away copies of both her books!

Check out which memory Lish would want “Unremembered” in her post below:

It took me longer than I thought it would to think of something I’d like to have erased. Not because I’ve never done anything embarrassing. (I can almost hear my family and friends laughing at THAT idea.) And it’s certainly not because I’ve never said or done something stupid, hurtful, mean or embarrassing. If they were handing out titles for foot-in-mouth-type moments, I would have been born a Captain. I am now Grand High Poobah For Life of such things.

I can be a total jerk, guys. I don’t mean to be. I really, truly, don’t. That being said there are so many people I’d like to track down and apologize to. My basic problem is my brain is often about ten seconds behind my mouth. So if you’re out there, people from my past, and if I did something awful to you, I’m sorry. Odds are high that I’ve thought about that moment over the years and mentally kicked myself. So give yourself a hug and pretend it’s from me. Make it last. When I hug, I mean it.

Hugs aside, I belong firmly to the camp of people that want to keep their painful memories. They make us, yeah, but we also learn from them. My obsession with puffy kitten sweaters with jeweled eyes and black stirrup pants? Embarrassing. Erase it? No. I needed to learn early that I was a total geek that’s useless when it comes to fashion. It’s not that I don’t want to look good, but I’m lazy and I’m going to go for comfort and function every time. Clearly I would need to find a lifestyle where no one gives a damn what you look like. (Can you say, “writer” everyone?)

Oh man, what about that time I told a cop I was a hooker so he better leave my brother alone? (Long story.) Or my first kiss where I was so surprised I laughed at the poor boy? (Twice.) That time my bra strap broke in gym class during jumping jacks? The list is endless. Puberty is designed to embarrass you. It’s like nature’s hazing ritual.

As mortifying as all of these things are, I learned from them. Those moments are gifts of knowledge from past Lish. Past Lish says, “Hey, future me, some words—like hooker—have more than one meaning. Just because you’re referring to the hook in the tail of your cat costume doesn’t mean the policeman is on the same page as you. He’s not, otherwise he wouldn’t be laughing. Go home and ask your brothers what the word ‘hooker’ means. I have a list of other words you should look up while I’m at it. Save you some future blush-worthy moments.”

Past Lish is great for that and sometimes future me responds in kind. Like, “Hey, past Lish, if you laugh like a nervous hyena when a boy tries to put the moves on you, you’re probably not ready for romance yet…or whatever passes for romance in middle school. Maybe wait until college where you’ll meet boys who think your awkwardness is charming. Oh, and always carry a safety pin. They are dead handy and can be a nice temporary fix for all kinds of things. Like bra straps.”

So with this sea of mortification to fish from, I had a hard time finding a moment that didn’t also teach me something incredibly useful.

Then I caught just the fish.

Remember the part where I said puberty was engineered to humiliate you? Yeah, so are family members. It’s their job to embarrass you just like it’s your job to embarrass them. It’s the circle of life.

So one day my family was over at my Dad’s house—my aunts, all my brothers, my grandparents, you get the picture. I think I was maybe fourteen with all that entails. I walked into the packed kitchen and my aunt—whom I adore and continues to be one of my favorite people—came over to greet me. She held my arms out so she could get a good look at me and then announced, in front of everyone, “Oh, you’re getting so big! Look, you even have boobies!”

Crickets.

Cue hysterical laughter from my brothers.

Watch as my face turns bright red before I mumble something and scurry off to my room to hide.

Humiliation town, population me. I would happily forget that moment. The only thing I learned from it was that other people had the same foot-in-mouth problem that I have, and quite frankly, there are other incidents that I could learn that from.

Hilarious as always, Lish!

Now, it’s time to give away some books! Two lucky winners are going to take home copies of Lish’s books. Use the widget below to enter. (Giveaway is open internationally)

 Pre-Order UNREMEMBERED!

       

 

 

**BLOGGERS: We’d love for you to participate in “Unremembered Monday!”

Here’s how:

1) Write a post answering one or both of the following questions:

Which memory or memories would you most like to be Unremembered?
What book would you like to Unremember so you can read it again for the first time?

2) Click here to download the official Unremembered Monday badge and insert it into your post

3) Email us the link to your post at email@www.jessicabrody.com so we can publish it on our social media channels and add it to our “Unremembered Monday” link list widget and our weekly round-up!)

Click here for more information about the book and to watch the trailer!

 

 

 

February 25th, 2013